"I wouldn't change one second of our life together"
Note: Sorry this is just a manifestation of the urge to read the book or watch the film as I sit here at work haha.
You’ve been running away from me
This I know…
I am married.
I have a husband.
I have a ring.
Each day, each decision, each action, each thought is a reaffirmation of the vow I took, or if I will CHOOSE to walk down that aisle and make that commitment in the first place.
…
Well you’ve been a mistress, my wife
Chasing lovers it won’t satisfy
Won’t you let me make you my bride
You will drink of my lips
And you’ll taste new life
…
I am not perfect. This I definitely know. So when I choose not to walk down that aisle, there is only one other direction I am heading- I am walking further away from God. I’m moving in the wrong direction. When I am unhappy with my choice of direction, if I am lost. I’m not going to just stand there and wait for God to move me, to allow me to do a U-turn.
…
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
Give me your life
Lust and the lies
The past you’re afraid I might see
…
The meeting place is the altar. Therefore it is ME that needs to move, it is me that needs to do the chasing. It is me that needs to head to the meeting place because He is already there. He always has been. I can’t stand here sulking that I’m not where I want to be. It is the decisions, thoughts and actions of my past that have got me where I am today, so surely that means I can change my actions, my thoughts, my decisions TODAY to get me to where I want to be. I need to choose LIFE to that me and my descendants may live – Deuteronomy 30:19. It is me that needs to do the running.
…
Love of my life
Look deep in my eyes
There you will find what you need
I’m the giver of life
I’ll clothe you in white
My immaculate bride you will be
…
Immaculate means to be free of moral blemish or impurity. When we become HIS bride, purity in our thoughts, actions and decisions should follow.
…
You’re my beloved
Lover I’m yours
Death shall not part us
It’s you I died for
For better or worse
Forever we’ll be
Our Love it unites us
It binds you to me
…
Oh come running home to me
So if you saw me last week I had this massive swollen lip on my right side lol. It was super attractive haha XD Aemi describes it as my attempt to have Angelina Jolie lips. Which I don’t mind cause I love Jolie, she inspired me to adopt kids. Anyways back to the point of this post…
How I got my swollen lip you ask? Funny story lol. I fainted twice in the jewelery store after buying my wedding ring. So I hit my lip on a sign? I don’t know kinda blacked out and I was by myself, to me it felt like I hit my head on the concrete floor. And I have these massive bruises on my legs and arms. I think I acted way too casual after the incident. After I revealed what happened to my mum, she ranted about possible scenarios that could have happened to me. Like hitting my head, concussions, blood, internal bleeding… *cringe. She even took the liberty of calling the store asking details of where I fell, how long I was out for. Oh what would I do without my mum?! Which just makes me stand in such awe cause I think it was such a God thing that the sales woman was able to catch me, TWICE. If not, I would have all those things my mum named. I would have hit my head, that might have caused my head to split open or have internal bleeding…ahhh and I probably wouldn’t be able to write this post. I personally want to go hug that woman who caught me. God placed her at that right place, the right moment to catch me when I fell.
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So, who will catch you when you fall?
…
So maybe you’ve fallen this week spiritually. And what were the consequences? Instead of concussions it was not encountering God. Instead of hitting your head it was not hearing His voice. Instead of cuts and bruises it was feeling so empty inside, feeling nothing. Instead of internal bleeding it was the passion for this generation slipping away from your hands. After I had fainted I had a glass of water and I felt ready to get up again. So what’s the spiritual cure to falling: His WORD and spend time in His presence- PRAY. Do it even when it feels like He’s not there. But you know what? He IS there, God is the same yesterday, today and forever. So what does that show? That it is US that needs to change.
…
And I’ll be by your side wherever you fall
In the dead of night whenever you call
Please don’t fight these hands that are holding you
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The enemy is fighting us so hard, I felt it so strongly this week. Why?! Cause our victory IS within reach. Fight for the victory. Run the race faster than when you fell. I wana run so fast that the hurdles in front of me seem so insignificant, so miniature. Why? Cause I’m focused on the finish line- to the God who is far greater, far bigger than the problems that I face.
I felt so under attack this week, physically and spiritually. But first you go down in the FLESH before God takes you up. The will of God will always stretch you a little bit more than where you are comfortable. Why? Cause if it was too easy, if it was too comfortable, it means you’re not growing and instead you’re getting complacent. You’re not running to the destiny that He has planned out for you. I want HIS destiny for my life because I definitely know it’s better than the one I thought out for myself. Every step UP in the kingdom is down in the flesh. We need to release some things to gain His eternal destiny.
Run to the one who will guarantee to catch you when you fall.
To where will you run?
Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don’t turn away
Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I’m not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run
And I’ll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don’t fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world’s sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life
Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I’ll never let you go
- Tenth Avenue North
JUST MARRIED!
So this was the only photo taken of me at my wedding, and I’m glad because these are the girls I would have wanted to celebrate my wedding day with (plus Jhoni! She’s not in this pic =[ love you bebs). lol look at the wet teatowel with everyone’s tears and what not.. eww lol
“When the world has fallen out from under me
I’ll be found in you, still standin’
When the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
When time and space are through
I’ll be found in you
You make all things new”
SOS v.09 where to start?! And what I say here will only be one of the many testimonies of how God impacted the lives of the people who went. Generation Fresh encountered God. For many it was their last chance, and if God didn’t show up then and there they would have given up but He NEVER failed to come and meet us.
For a long time I felt like I couldn’t encounter God or encounter Him as well as I could. I knew I wasn’t reaching my full potential. I felt like I had been in church for so long and saw nothing change in my life. And for me, it was because I didn’t offer God clean hands and a pure heart. I couldn’t go my own way, cheat on God and expect Him to encounter me? It says in His word “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.”
I was so proud of everyone. Proud of gfresh, the blue ninjas, the men of gfresh rising up, the squadron leaders and my girlies. Go Aemi! Ministering to Janine who’s like twice her height lol I didn’t ask your permission to put this up but I’m so proud of you! My favourite photo from SOS…
Naww so proud of you Aemi!
…
Genesis 35:3 “I will build an altar to the God who answered my prayers when I was in distress. He has been with me wherever I have gone”
When we build an altar, we do so to OFFER something that is of value, something that is worthy, something of great sacrifice. What we are now to offer- our lives, Galatians 2:20 lifestyle and to be the generation He has called us to be.
He answered my prayers when I was in distress, He has been with me wherever I have gone- despite all my failures and shortcomings He was always there for me, when I was at my lowest point in my life He was there. His grace is so amazing that no matter how much I hurt Him, He still loved me the same. That He could turn a broken, rejected, insecure heart and make it into something that can be used to glorify Him.
On Saturday the girls GOT MARRIED! yihee! Married to the one who loved us FIRST. When you accept Jesus in your life, that became your covenant, your vow. What got to me was Bec described the covenant as- He waited for us at the altar on our wedding day in anticipation and excitement for us to walk down the aisle to Him, but we never came. He waited there for the one He loved so much that He died for them, but we never came. Each time we turn away, each time we choose something over Him… we leave Him at the altar waiting. This really impacted the girls and I don’t want it to just be a revelation to impact the girls. So for the guys, imagine your wedding day. How happy you are and excited to marry the woman you love so much you were willing to die for them. You’re smiling from ear to ear as the wedding march music starts to play…. but she never came. The wedding that cost you much, and she never came. How heart breaking, how disappointing… That’s exactly how Jesus felt each time we turn away.
Have you ever watched those movies and you see the partner cheat, and for me that gets me really upset and fired up. You wouldn’t want to be in the same room as me when I watch that kind of stuff lol. With that I realised I needed to step out of myself and observe my actions, my thoughts and see that for so long I cheated on God and that too should get me as upset as when I see infidelity on something so fictional.
On the first night we sang ’stir it up in our hearts a passion for your name’ And God reminded me of Jacob and how he wrestled with God. and God was telling me that he wants me to have this passion, where I don’t just sit here and wait for him… I RUN for Him and not want to let go until I encounter him, until he blesses me.
My motivation right now to keep going is that I don’t want to slip and go back to my life of emptiness and not growing. like I’m just sick of coming to church on a Sunday and getting nowhere. Each day we must put up on the cross the things that are not of Him. He didn’t die on the cross for us to get a free ticket to heaven, if we want God in our lives, if we want a relationship with Him, it is US that needs to be up on that cross.
Jentezen Franklin said:
“Jesus rose again not to establish a religious system just so you could come to church on a Sunday. But true Christianity in its truest form goes something like this ‘and HE walks with me everyday, and He talks with me, and He tells me that I am His own.’ He did not die for you to be a part of a religious activity on Sunday, He died so that He can have a RELATIONSHIP with you, so that He could talk to you, so that He could reveal His destiny to you”
Ate Shelah is always telling our connect passion and purpose go hand in hand. which is true, if we don’t have purpose with our passion it’ll just become hype. and i really don’t want that from sos. I think it’s so easy for us to be passionate at camp, away from worldly distractions and surrounded by the right people. But now REALITY sinks in, and now our real test was not preparing for our graduation, but what we do now that we have graduated. Now that sos is over I feel like there’s so much more opposition, it’s fierce and its trying to make you cheat on God.
“The reason why the enemy is fighting you so hard is because your victory is within reach. He doesn’t fight you for where you are, he fights you for where you are headed”
The opposition is fierce, and to get to our final destination- to fulfil God’s will we sometimes have to go to our lowest point and we rise up stronger. Take Joseph, he dreamed that his brothers would bow down before him and his brothers ridiculed him and sold him into slavery. What caught me was that he got hurt, but he forgave his brothers and wasn’t bitter towards them. Joseph has forgiven his brothers before they even forgave themselves. It says in 1 Corinthians 2:10 “Forgive whatever needs to be forgiven… so that Satan will not outsmart us. ” What we choose not to forgive and instead be bitter about, Satan will use to expand his kingdom .
Joseph knew that he needed to endure that suffering to get to that point in his life, to be able to lead a nation. So now that we’re out of camp and reality sinks in. The enemy will be working against you, and we will go through struggles, we all go through those seasons so that we don’t grow complacent with ouselves, but have the trusting, faithful heart like Joseph. He endured suffering to be able to lead a nation, so the struggles that we go through is preparing us to LEAD OUR GENERATION.
We will be the generation that will fall upon our knees
We will be the generation that will set the captives free
He said:
Give me your heart, and I promise I won’t break it.
…
This is my declaration:
“I’ll stand with arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the one who gave it ALL
So I’ll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered
All I am is yours”
…
Where the love lasts forever
This is going to be the most random post lol. Abbie asked me when I’m going to post a new blog, and I honestly didn’t know so she asked me write her a random one haha so I’ll just make this one up as I go. So be prepared for ramblings! and possibly stories through pictures XD
This week I’ve been so neutral and lost for words. Cause: unknown? I spent most of this week in bed sick? Busy (haha trying to) study? Maybe cause at best I learn when I’m going through trials and struggles and you rise up and this week I surprisingly didn’t go through any? Probably cause I was sleeping or being drowsy and weak for the past couple of days from all the drugs I’ve been taking? ** Haha not what you’re thinking. I couldn’t hold my food down this week lol, so I diagnosed myself with a stomach bug, since after a few doctors visits and a couple of ultrasound tests they still couldn’t tell me what was wrong with me lol. And get this, I managed to GAIN weight after the whole thing? Lol how does that work out?! Oh and probably my fair share of comfort food these past two months with the girlies contributed to the weight gain. Actually it started off as comfort food then became enjoyment of great food with a great bunch of girls =) Max Brenner, Ribs and Rumps, Thai Spice, Baskin & Robins, Jas my Waffles, or just our attempts at cooking… hmmm I’ll stop there before I get myself more hungry haha.
** lol notice all my ‘???’ I’m so indecisive. Reminds me of when I’m with the twins, three indecisive girls choosing things like what to eat, what to drink, where to sit, where to go. Our conversations consist of many “It’s up to you”, “I’m fine with anything”, “You choose”, “I’ll get what you get”, “But I don’t want to choose something you don’t want.” Haha good times.
Haha, I love this picture. Jhoni seemed to capture a moment that could say something about each of these girls personality.
Abbie- she looks lost? LOL and so random! which is totally scabbie lol check out her post on lady gaga
Jane- she looks extremely happy. first thing that comes to my mind is that time she jumped up and down when we finally turned on the burner to cook hot pot? haha
Aemi- I really just wna squeeze her cheeks here. Reminds me of your mum always saying your fb status’ are ‘whiny’ lol, dw aemi baby I dont think you’re whiny. i love you
Me- I duno why I look sad? but I just remembered *mwah… 7 more seconds till photo takes HAHA
just for a laugh
LOL at Aemi. Thank you for opening your heart to me this week. Thank you for trusting me, your heart is indeed safe in my hands =) I think you’re beautiful, courageous, hot and talented (draw me something lol). I see so much potential in you. You’re inspiring, you make me wana reach higher. I love you!
See very random indeed. Sorry if you just wasted your time and didn’t get anything out of this. lol Normal posting soon, I’m in the middle of drafting my next blog… so far I’ve got my title and ending quote XD
“Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you were born to stand out?” — Be SET APART
Last week I found out someone committed suicide, apparently the day after his birthday. I didn’t know who he was, maybe I’ve seen him before, maybe I’ve passed him in the street when I used to go to school. I don’t know. But the fact is, he still took his life. There must have been something missing in his life? To do something so drastic, so horrendous.
According to WHO statistics, a person takes their life every 40 seconds. And the rates have increased from 5-62% in the last two decades. Doesn’t that freak you out? My mind takes me places, like maybe that person you passed on the street without taking a second look at could be so lost and have no reason to live for and suddenly take their life. And become just another statistic.
Heaven isn’t paved with good intentions alone. Faith without WORKS is dead. You may know the right thing to do, the right intention but if you fail to do it; if we fail to act upon that good intention then we’re doing the wrong thing. So the good intention alone, won’t get you anywhere. Might as well have not bothered with the good intention if you’re not going to act upon it? It just makes me feel so selfish that I didn’t do everything that I could to show people the truth and the life.
I received an email the other night, and I thought it was worth sharing (with permission of course lol) and maybe get something out of it too…
“Have u ever seen like those guys that on a Friday or Saturday night who just meet up with their flashy cars, park in the car park in front of Maccas and Pump up the music. Reving up the engine to impress each other, wasting gas. Who ever has the better, louder car is the bigger man? Cars werent built and developed to stay immobile, they were designed for movement and endurance…I guess thats what most of us do. We get together and show off our flashy selves, reving our engines to dazzle people. I say take off that hand break and move, don’t stay still and wait for people to come up to you and see what greatness God has built in your life. Get out, be on the move and use the Holy Spirit to fuel your life and use it for His Glory, who don’t know who God is and what they’re built for.
The bible is like a GPS. It’s very useful when your lost. Basically it tells your exactly where to go to get to the destination you desire. When you’re going the wrong way, it tells u to stop, do a U Turn and go the bloody right way! lol Well i guess we ignore the bible sometimes or we just simply miss what it’s trying to say to us and we drift the wrong way, and before you know it we’re completely lost and need to turn around and get back to the direction it’s asking us to take. Keep reading the word, keep it in ur life daily and I know it’ll lead you to the destination your looking for”
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Lately I’ve been feeling inadequate, as a daughter, a sister, a friend, a student (lol, uni <3 -_-), just everything in general. “It’s not good enough.” Which is true. And I’m not going to hide behind excuses because I know I haven’t put my all into everything. My potential is so much more than what I’m accomplishing now. And I think that stands for all of us. What we have now is nothing compared to God’s plans for us. And I know that if I let Him, God will take me to places I wouldn’t even imagine. And when I get there, I know that it would be all God, because I would not have been able to get there on my own.
There’s so much more than temporary happiness. I can’t stress that enough. You could move with the ways of the world- but by the end of it what do you accomplish? Nothing that really gets you anywhere? Cause after all the hype you end up feeling more empty than when you started and searching for something to fill that void. I can guarantee that at one point in our life we’ve fallen and chased after what the world had to offer- lies, insecurities, sin. That is why we’re here right? We realised that there’s so much more. The world will fail us, that is a given. And you end up more hurt than when you started, why? Well for me, it was because I knew I should have turned to God because He will never fail me, yet being the impatient person that I am, I didn’t give Him enough time to show me. So this week I have taken upon a new challenge for myself, to let go of certain things, not that they are bad, just not the right thing for this season, because if I do it on my own without God, I know I will fail or that I won’t get the best for me. Abbie sang me a song today lol on email, she’s got good taste in music haha, and its worth sharing…
…
It’s not everything it seems – the world and its dreams
Slipping like water through my hands tonight
All the things I thought would fill me up inside
Left me empty here – and now I know why
All along I was looking for something else
You’re something else
All along I was looking for something more
You’re so much more
I finally found what I could never see before
You’ve always been the one that I was looking for
All of my castles in the sand – washed away again
And I’m left back where I began tonight
The only thing that can ever fill me up
Has been right in front of me all the time
- All Along by Remedy Drive
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For Abbie baby *giggles… “you are more precious than rubies, you are clothed with strength and dignity.” Proverbs 31. You inspire me, I believe in you.
Traded your WORTH for those scars
Your grace has overwhelmed my brokenness
Shelah said to me on Sunday “Ally, you have to understand that those who are hurt, hurt others.” She said it so casually but I’ve been contemplating on it all week.
I can absolutely guarantee that we have all been hurt at some point in our life. Someone may have said something, that one little harmless thing at the time that impacted your life forever, life you had set out for yourself changed completely. Someone may have got you questioning your worth, your value, your capabilities. Someone may have said something hurtful about people you care about. Someone may not believe you have ‘changed’ or that you are trying to become a better person. Ahh the list can go on. YET I can also guarantee that we also have hurt people.
See this whole, ‘we get hurt so we hurt back’ business [it may even be subconsciously]. Its a vicious cycle, its the basis of revenge. I can guarantee every war has been started from revenge, insecurities, pride, selfishness. lol I would name specifics but history isnt really my thing lol, and research in blogs is more of Abbie’s thing lol and I’m pressed for time at work. So you’re hurt, then you pass that hurt to someone else, who could then hurt 5 other more people. Then those 5 people can go off and hurt another 10 people. Can you see where this cycle is going? And there you go, welcome to a world filled with hurt, broken, insecure people. That hurt and what comes out of it is not something you want to manifest.
So honestly, Get Over It! Harsh? lol sorry to the people reading this haha but I say it to myself also, trust me. Grow up and forgive. If those thoughts, emotions, actions aren’t glorifying God, get rid of it. Its merely just weighing you down. Let go of the burden. Galatians 2:20 “For I have been crucified with Christ, no longer I who lives but Christ who lives within me.” Jesus didn’t die on that cross for you, just so you could get your free ticket to heaven. He sure didn’t need to get those nails into his hands and feet, he was free of sin but he did it to physically show us how to die to self. To leave behind our old ways and nature.
Making a change starts with …….. YOU. How are you going to choose how to react? Hurt others purely because you too have been hurt? Or will you go against the status quo? Yeh, its definately not going to be easy, our limited human selves have been wired to feel hurt and retaliate back, sometimes without even knowing it. But I would rather live knowing I did the best with my time to become a better person and that I CHOSE to do the right thing when I could have chosen otherwise. What you don’t choose to forgive the ENEMY uses to expand his kingdom. Uh and I definately don’t want that.
All this from Shelah’s one liner. lol I love you Shelah Rose! I’m not quite sure she’ll read this, but regardless I am grateful for her. She believed in our connect, in our potential before any of us ever did or when people didn’t think we had it in us to change or run after God. Without her, we wouldn’t have come so far. ‘Shelah’ means to remove judgement, lol she’s so random. But the meaning of her name is so true. I can remember on Friday, she didn’t even want to hear what someone was saying about our connect and all she yells is “They’re dying to self!” lol. She would even just yell it out when it had nothing to do with the current conversation, haha. *pictures her face at the sight of Samsung products LOL.
Ahhh, I miss my girls!
He who cannot learn how to forgive, has forgotten the price in which he was forgiven
